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Random Thoughts on Leaving India: Stream of Consciousness

9 October 2008
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I have 20 days left in India. And only 3 packages of Splenda left.

Why didn’t I ration those Craisins a little bit better?! Now I will have to eat my oatmeal with just almonds instead.

No wait, there are ants in my almonds.

And I just found an ant in my hair. Now I feel like there are ants crawling all over me.

The little baby cockroaches nestled in the corners of our kitchen have become bigger, more ornery, adolescent cockroaches. I killed five today, but that still didn’t keep one of them from getting into my rice.

I wonder if the monsoon will hold off until after I leave. And the mosquitoes. And other creepy crawly things.

Does it really count as living in India if you don’t have to live through the monsoon?

The internet will be a lot less exciting without pop-up ads like this:

What better way indeed?

What better way indeed!

In an effort to learn at least one useful skill while in India, I took up soccer tonight. In the hallway. At work. I think I broke the water cooler.

I forgot to order the water today. I am glad that, in three weeks, I won’t have to order water anymore and can satisfy my water snob tendencies with a Pur faucet filter instead.

Just noticed that the dentist today got the coffee stain off my front tooth. Probably should have taken care of that three months ago so that I didn’t have three months’ worth of nasty teeth photos.

I seriously want a pumpkin spice latte. Seriously.

I’m trying to finish proofing a brief written by someone else 11 months ago, and that person misspelled “Emperor,” and it’s annoying me more than it should be.

Defense mechanisms identified: 1
Successful attempts at defusing defense mechanism: 0
People I am currently annoyed at: 12 (including one person I’ve never met because she misspelled Emperor)

In 20 days, I will no longer be able to use the excuse “I’m in India” to avoid dealing with awkward family and friend situations.

I told a friend today that if I don’t stop being Little Ms. Cranky Pants soon, she has the right to knock me about the head. Due to the manic look of glee in her eyes, I now fear for my life.

I’m wondering if Mike will embarrass me by pretending to be Scottish while we are in Scotland. Much like he embarrassed me in Paris with his awful French accent. Now that I’ve written that, it’s pretty much a done deal.

I can’t wait to go to Scotland with Mike and be embarrassed by his bad Scottish accent.

I miss my dog.

I wonder if I can teach my dog how to fetch samosa from the Indian snack shop without her eating it.

What do you bring back from India for a guy? If you just bring more pretty stuff for his wife, does it count as a gift for him? And, if that wife is me, does it count even more?

There’s probably not much call in Chicago for salwar sets and sarees.

After seven months in India, I still don’t know if it should be spelled “sari” or “saree.”

Things I will most likely say upon returning home that no one will understand outside of Devon Avenue:

  • “I am paining.”
  • “You should go home and take good rest.”
  • “Have you reduced?”
  • “We have met with an accident.”
  • “You will be wanting to do that.”
  • “Should we pick you from the shop?”
  • “I need to get down at the office.”
  • “He has gone to his native to see his cousin brother.”
  • “Where do you stay?”
  • “I have a doubt about your message.”
  • “Please put my vegetables in a separate cover.”
  • “Yes, that is there.”
  • “Yes, friend, tell me.”
  • “Signal lefta, Next signal U-turn. Left-side stop.”
  • “Let me go and come.”
  • “Ours is a love marriage.”
  • “Oh, why are you tensioning me?!”

I have been in India for seven months and have yet to see the Taj Mahal. Due to my recent vow to stop traveling in India, I’ll most likely have to answer many awkward questions about why I didn’t see the Taj while I was here. My answer: “Oh, why are you tensioning me?!”

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4 Comments leave one →
  1. 10 October 2008 8:31 am

    “Ours is a love marriage.” I like that one best, as opposed to “our parents hooked us up and I met him on our wedding day.” I’ll take you for a pumpkin spice latte if you come see me and your new niece!

  2. Unity permalink
    10 October 2008 6:29 pm

    Here are some random thoughts on your post:

    Ariana always beats me to comment on your blog.

    I am now itchy all over from all the bug references.

    Yes it is a done deal now about Mike embarrassing you with his Scottish accent.

    Long live cranky pants.

    Now, I want to go for coffee with Christine 🙂

    I wonder who the 12 people are Christine is annoyed at.

    Maybe the Taj Mahal is over-rated.

    Thanks for keeping us updated on your life in India through this blog. Looking forward to you coming back.

  3. Ana permalink
    15 October 2008 10:46 am

    Christine: Harrison Hotel
    Auto Driver: Thirty rupees
    Christine: Twenty rupees
    Auto-Driver: Aii-ohh madam, why are you cheating me? (with vigorous hand gestures)
    Christine: Everyday I go and come. Twenty rupees. Fair Price
    Auto Driver: (head wobbles)
    Christine: (head wobbles)

    Wish I could see the look on the Chicago taxi drivers face when you pull that one!

  4. Dana permalink
    18 October 2008 12:18 pm

    there’s a pumpkin spice latte waiting for you when you’re back home.

    confession: i never had a pumpkin spice latte until a few weeks ago. now i’m a little addicted. why did i even start this habit?

    and oh mike will be scottish regardless where he is. at least he doesn’t pretend he’s russian like me.

    d

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