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The Halfway Moment

14 July 2008

So it dawned on me a couple days ago, as I was trying on my sari for an upcoming wedding (fun times!), that it was 12 July 2008. I leave India on 12 November 2008. That’s four months away. Which means I have been in India four months. Which means I’m halfway. Halfway.

And then I needed to sit down.

It really came up on me so quickly. I hadn’t been expecting it, and now I feel a bit blindsided. But what does this mean, when I really think about it?

Well, first off, it means I’m halfway home. Halfway back to everyone and everything I miss. Halfway to my husband and to my family. Halfway to my friends and my home church. In four months, I’ll be sleeping in my comfy pillow-top bed, curled up in a thick blanket because it will actually be cold enough to require it. In four months, I’ll take my dog for a walk through a familiar neighborhood with sidewalks not doubling as tea stalls or bike repair shops. I’ll join Mike and friends at Charlie’s for buffalo wings and a beer that isn’t taxed at 75 percent or at Sweet Occasions for some wonderful cake. On Sunday afternoons, I’ll sit with the girls and read the Sunday Trib and chat while every so often running to the TV to see what all the cheering / groaning is about on the Bears game. And there is so much, so much more that I will do in four months. I am halfway home.

But that also means I’m halfway gone. Halfway gone from all that I have experienced and learned and grown to love. Halfway from all the friends I’ve made here, the friends who have started to become like family. In four months, I’ll leave the home that I’ve built with my flatmates and that we’ve opened to many friends. In four months, I’ll have my last auto ride and have to give up wearing flowing Indian salwar sets. There will be no more Sunday brunches with French Loaf pastries and the excitement that the occasional pancakes (pikelets) brings. I will no longer go to work and hear P. singing Tamil songs or be greeted by M. with a “Hey, Boss!” There will be no more Pamba runs and the contest of beef fried rice versus egg kottu parota. And there is so much more I will miss in only four months. I am halfway gone.

So you see, it’s not that simple. Half of me can’t wait to go back, but the other half never wants to leave here. That’s why I had to sit down, because I feel torn in half. That is the dilemma.

Yet I have had to remind myself constantly over the past two days that it does not help me or anyone else to obsess over this dilemma. There are still four months, and even though the first four felt like they flew by, I can live each minute of the next four for all they are worth, do nothing halfway. No matter what happens, I must choose to be wholly present here until I can be wholly present there. That is the only way I can wholly experience this opportunity and life with which I have been blessed.

Halfway Home

Halfway Home

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2 Comments leave one →
  1. Mike permalink
    15 July 2008 8:56 am

    Perhaps you haven’t heard, but in four months, everything WILL be taxed at 75% the way Daley keeps increasing things.

  2. 16 July 2008 9:11 pm

    also. . .

    four months til:
    saturdays at panera
    trips to target for no reason
    sunday afternoons with you!

    miss you lots! embrace these next four months, i’m still so excited about what your doing.

    (i’ll send updates soon)

    love
    dana

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